After someone in the Dating Kinda Sucks Facebook group talked about a first date she had that involved going out on a boat with the person she’d just met, I decided it was time to write a post about terrible first date ideas. These are the first date suggestions that should make you run as soon as you hear them. Here you go: fifty first date ideas that should have you telling him “Hell the fuck no” and moving on to the next creeper on your list.
- Going on his boat on a lake.
- Going on his boat on the ocean.
- Going on his boat when it’s dry-docked in his driveway.
- His friend’s wedding.
- His coworker’s wedding.
- His wedding.
- Dinner at his house.
- Drinks at his house.
- His house, or apartment, or shanty, or place he’s just crashing while he figures out some shit.
- A sex toy store (save it for the third or fourth date).
- A strip club (save it for the second or third location on the first date).
- A sex club (save it for the fifth or sixth date).
- Anywhere he calls a man cave, hideaway, getaway, basement, or murder dungeon.
- Hiking through the woods.
- Hiking in the desert.
- Hiking, like, anywhere.
- Meeting his family at an event.
- Meeting his family at dinner.
- Meeting his family in any capacity whatsoever.
- Anywhere that requires an overnight stay.
- Anywhere that requires leaving town.
- Anywhere that requires getting in his car, his truck, on his bike, or on his scooter.
- Going out somewhere with the words “extreme,” “yolo,” “bucket,” or “hot topic” in the name.
- A dance class.
- A dance-off.
- A high school dance, unless you’re in high school. Both in high school.
- Hunting at his cabin in the woods.
- Fishing at his cabin in the woods.
- Doing anything at his cabin in the woods. In fact, if he owns a cabin in the woods.
- An illegal dogfight.
- An illegal cockfight.
- A fight club, illegal or otherwise.
- Going bungee jumping, sky diving, parasailing, zip lining, or power walking.
- Visiting Build-A-Bear at the mall.
- Going to the food court at the mall.
- Any suggestion involving the mall or even knowing where the mall is in 2019.
- A church event, unless you’re both from the same church, but why the fuck are you reading this post? Go ask Jesus where to go on your fucking date.
- Out with his friends.
- Out with another couple.
- Out with one friend who keeps making really weird suggestions and trying to graze you with his hand.
- Donating blood.
- Selling blood.
- Drinking blood.
- Going to a film festival.
- Going to an obscure film at an artsy theater.
- Going to the movies at all.
- An escape room with a bunch of strangers.
- An escape room with just him.
- An escape room, but it’s actually his bedroom.
- A theme park, skate park, ball park, or linkin park.
You might be thinking to yourself, “With all of these options off the table, what are some good first date places and ideas?” I’ll give you ten easy options:
- Miller’s Ale House in Altamonte Springs